my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize