so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
