Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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