i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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