she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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