i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
