we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
