Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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