Did I show you my penis last night?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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