I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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