There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
