go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
