its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
