WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
