i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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