swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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