sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
