did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
