youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
