I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
