you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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