Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
