why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
