Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
