Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
