im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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