I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
