Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
