so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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