Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
