Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
