the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
