she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize