I just saw a hot homeless man
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
