You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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