I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
