glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
