perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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