I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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