so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Randomize
