i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
