She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize