Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
