Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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