I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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