member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize