party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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