I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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