Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
