I just saw a hot homeless man
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
