My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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