Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
