just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
