Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize