Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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