I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
