Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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