My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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