Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
