sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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