yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
