Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
